My name is Candelaria, and I am HIV positive

Candelaria, a 53-year-old grandmother from El Salvador, discovered that she was HIV positive in 2003. With the help of her local HIV/AIDS support group, she found the courage to share her experience with others and help prevent more infections in her community.

“My name is Candelaria, I am 53 years old. Let me tell you my story.

I have six children and I am raising two of my seven grandchildren. I live with my common law husband; we’ve been together for 22 years, even though he is not the father of my children.

I learned that I was HIV positive in September 2003. I had not been feeling well; I had fever and vomiting and was very pale. I went to the hospital and got tested for all sorts of illnesses.

A young doctor suggested I should get tested for HIV. I jokingly said, yeah, sure, do it. Little did I know what I was going to hear days later. A nurse told me bluntly “Ma’am, you have AIDS, and people with AIDS do not live longer than six months so you’d better get prepared.”

I couldn’t believe it! I was in shock and I rapidly slipped into a severe depression. I didn’t want to eat or bathe. I was afraid that my clothes would get infected and infect other people. I refused to sleep with my husband and didn’t want to tell him why - I was afraid that if he knew, he would leave me.

Some six months passed by, and one day at the hospital a doctor told me about a support group for people with HIV.

Many days passed and I couldn’t get the courage to go to a meeting. I was afraid of the kind of people who I would find in such a group. I thought I would meet dying people who would make me feel worse.

One day I finally decided to attend. My knees were shaking, I was very nervous that day. When I entered the room I recognised a young man who sells sweets on the buses, and another guy was saying that he had a good life because he was taking medication.

Watching them changed my attitude towards my situation. I decided I was not going to die the way the nurse had told me. I learned that I could get help, and ask for support.

Until that day, I had not told my husband that I had been tested and that I had HIV. It was very difficult for me because I had been refusing to sleep with him and he didn’t understand it.

Finally I gathered the courage to tell him the truth and asked him to get tested. “You’re crazy,” was his answer. But he eventually got tested. His results were negative.

I honestly don’t know how I got the virus, maybe through injections. I had the habit of medicating myself, and bought injections of vitamin B over the counter, to soothe my nerves. It does not matter to me how I got it, the fact is that I do. In the support group I have learned how it is transmitted and how it is prevented.

Now that I have the information, I am spreading the word to anyone who wants to hear it.

For example, I have formed a women’s circle at my house. Young women and girls get together at my place and I give them cookies and talk about sexuality and stuff like that. I talk to them openly because I think the truth is the best way to educate others.

I tell them that if I was their age, I would never have sex without a condom; never. Women have to take care of themselves. You never know where your man has been before he sleeps with you.

Ideally, they should be faithful but you have no guarantee that they will be. So, the woman has to protect herself using condoms, learn how to use them correctly and not be embarrassed about it.

I know that if I hadn’t joined the support group, I would be dead. You have no idea how terrible and frightened I felt only three years ago. The group gave me courage. My life has changed for the better. I honestly thank God for this illness; somehow I feel that this is my purpose, to help others, especially other women, to lift the veil of ignorance from their eyes.

I didn’t go to school, I cannot read or write, but I know that people listen to me when I talk.

My name is Candelaria Villanueva, or Mama Cande, as my grandchildren call me. I do not want to hide because there is nothing to be ashamed of. My head is held high with pride in who I am, and I am HIV positive.”